Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
