omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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