1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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