I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
