i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
