I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
