Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
