Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize