I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Sorry my hands just texted you
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
