It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
