So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
