i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
