I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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