i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sext me about skeletons
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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