If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
