i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
