Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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