I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
