drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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