you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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