Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
