Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
