I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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