he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
