you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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