do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize