need another drink. this is the easiest way
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
