There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
