Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
