Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
