Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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