Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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