And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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