I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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