I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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