Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
