What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
