I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
