Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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