Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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