Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
did you just send me my own nude
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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