Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
