Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
