he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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