My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
