she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
