Pregnant stripper...not hot.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
