real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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