babies were throwing up all over the place
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
