How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
