the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
