Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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