if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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