My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
