I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
