Do you still have your period?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
