Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
