I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
