Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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