Someone shit on the floor
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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