Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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