is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize