after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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