3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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