Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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