you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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