Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
