WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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