she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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