I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
