I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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