I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
