Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
