he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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