I am in a vortex of obligation.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
