i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
