"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
