If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
