I wish my penis had an off switch
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
