Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize