I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
