Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
