Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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