Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
