Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
and she was petting her beer can
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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