he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
