she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
